Poem: Hunter's Hypothesis

Hunter’s Hypothesis


By Carl Kincaid

The hunter is hunkered down on the River named Noatak

warily watching for a bear attack

I’m lying on the tundra — kinda slouched

Finding it pretty comfy — like a couch

My lofty thoughts I’m thinking should be written

Just in case by bears I’m smitten

I lack of proper paper upon which to write

So am forced to use my Ultra Charmin I brought to wipe

As I sit to rhyme my prose

Hordes of biting insects are nipping at my nose

Mischievous and cunning they hide in my hair

Their sheer numbers make me despair

I’m finding that it’s not the bears I now dread

But the bugs biting on my head

Around and around they do fly

Looping and whirling and spinning so wide

I admiringly watch their aerial show

Amazed that they don’t collide — you know?

I figure you must be thinking —

That my “Off” I must be drinking

In theory, the problem is I’m wonderin’

Is that the “Deep Woods Off” doesn’t work on the “open” tundra

My mind soon wanders to the horrible thought

That the melting polar ice cap will bring the world to naught

I hypothesize that the innumerable insects that must go pee

Is really what makes the ice melt in the sea

Blaming global warming on man — is just to easy

I sense a government conspiracy

They want to stop “Big Oil” from drilling

when its the bugs that need a killing