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Aging can be cool

Posted: October 30, 2011 - 10:33am

I just received an email from a cousin lamenting the passing of another one of her birthdays.

I really can't empathize with her whine because she is still at the age where she doesn't have to start trimming her mustache.

I, on the other hand, reside in the region between 280 and 420 dog years old. Even worse, if I was compared to the latest base-line computer capabilities, I'd be Methuselah to the second power. I'm getting so slow I make "dial-up" look like warp speed.

To be truthful, I'd never given much thought to my transition to the early fall of my years until I my lovely lady barber (a.k.a., wife) brought to my attention that she needed to trim some fur from my ear orifices.

It was then that I started to take serious notice of a few silver follicles hitting the cutting cape. It startled me to the point that I requested a pause in the grooming; I grabbed a mirror and yanked my head back to check if I had finally reached the stage where I had to choose between the agony of "tweezer city" or braiding my nose hairs.

Now let's get this straight. Aging doesn't bother me. I've been doing it since I was born. The process has had its positives.

I discovered why girl's bicycles are built different just about the same time I attained a plateau of understanding about women that taught me male begging was not the exclusive forte of street bums

Lest I forget, I went through the normal span of time when my parents' IQ seemed to drop to a Neanderthal level. It was amazing how dramatically my own worldliness overshadowed what they considered sage advice during my early teens. Of course, they suddenly became geniuses again when I was on my own and living on a military paycheck. It's remarkable how your perspective changes when you're coughing up your own bucks for tenny runners and blue jeans.

Years added a plethora of new words and terminology to my vocabulary such as: rent, insurance, credit cards, car payments and mortgage along with social growth interfaces such as, "You've got to be kidding. Saturday night is when I do my hair... ah... this IS Nick, right?"

Still, those were merely normal maturation experiences and I never considered that there would come a time that my best buds would invite me along on a hunting trip just because if things went to hell they could use my balding scalp as a signal mirror.

Remember in your 20s when you use to say things like, "Yeah, he's getting up there, probably in his upper 40s by now?" Well by the time you hit that benchmark, you'll find yourself adding 20 more years to the quote while considering the "mid 40s" vernacular a chronological term rather than something referencing your waistline.
Aging is a mysterious process, at least for me.

Inside, I'm still the same motorcycle racin' drive-in movie necking, rock and roll drummer that I was in college. I still have the fire of a young military officer but my mellowing exterior is starting to have some chassis problems and my joints are picking up some rust. Even my dentist is fussing about my gums. I don't know why. The oldest members of my family still have all of their teeth although, admittedly, most of them are in jars.

My doctor says that old football injuries are catching up to me so fast that soon the only original body part not requiring a replacement will be my torso. The chiropractor snickers that snapping my vital body units back into place has become more fun than popping bubble wrap.

This geezer syndrome seems to be progressing so fast that soon I'll be entering the zone of the annual colon exam and believe me, when that happens, it will not add to my vision of aging gracefully.

Enough, I have to go now. Why, I'm not sure.

I guess what it means is either I have to take a nap or head for the outhouse.

I hope I get right this time.
Nick can be reached at (we hope).

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spwright 11/01/11 - 01:20 pm
Gettin Old Sucks ! 11/1/11

Tue. 11/1/11
Thank You Nick Varney, I really enjoyed your version of
Gettin Old. & yes I got out the calculator to figure out your Age in Dog Years Age 60 You are Just a Pup.

I laughed out loud w/ your comments about the dreaded Colon Exam ! the phrase NUCLEAR LAXATIVE comes to my mind. That was a most aweful experience.

Now many Men Our Age will NOT accept this term Ole Fart
but If ya have Grand Children then You are Officially a Ole Fart. accept it or not.

Even though We have Never Met, We have much in-common w/ each other. Ole Farts Unite !

Keep Writing NICK VARNEY ! I enjoy your side of the story.

Retiree SPW "Airborne"

denali8 11/02/11 - 02:17 pm
i can relate somewhat

Thank you Nick,
as above i can relate and thank God that i'm still enjoying the snow other than below it. am sure going to send this link to many friends, and some older than us. was well written and can make ppl think back, i sure did. i hope you and spwright have many more yrs enjoying the kenai. we learned alot the hard way for sure
us old farts still lead and pass on good learning skills
BTW, thank you spw for your service, and all the others too

AKMaineIac 11/03/11 - 11:33 am
They know what causes again and how to stop it.

Most people, when confronted with the cause and how to stop it manage to accept it and get by just fine.

spwright 11/03/11 - 04:23 pm
Reply 11/3/11

Thur 11/3/11
O K Now I am Confused ? What is "the Cause"
& How to Stop It ? ?

Ya can't stop Gettin Old then Dying. It happens to ALL of Us sooner or later.

Confused Ole Fart in Sloooooooowdotna SPW

AKMaineIac 11/03/11 - 04:25 pm
@ spwright...

Breathing... Death. And it most certainly does not happen to everybody... only the lucky and the cursed.

spwright 11/03/11 - 06:31 pm

Thur 11/3/11
O K Now You are Just Messin with My Tired Ole Brain !
Which am I ? The Lucky or the Cursed ?
Lucky to be still breathin' & Cursed cuz You are Going to Die ?

You are just having Fun w/ this B S Aren't Ya ?

SPW "Airborne"

AKMaineIac 11/03/11 - 07:00 pm
The lucky and the cursed...

Not totally tongue in cheek... maybe 50%. The other 50% is serious. This country, and most of the people in it, have a real issue with growing older and dying. It's unhealthy, and causes significant stress and heartache for people.

Most people, as they get older, manage to adjust to things and realign their priorities. Actually, their priorities change because of life generally. They are happy and well adjusted, "lucky".

Others never do... they're "cursed". Forever cursed with the misery of not adjusting and dealing well with their life's passage and growing older. Forever cursed with fearing the inevitable, always there and approaching.

I've met people who were living well, good lives. They were healthy, had friends, relatives, loved ones. Good jobs and all around nice folks. They were miserable.

I've met others who were doing terribly. Their health was bad and they were basically all alone in the world. Yet, they could take the time every day to be thankful for what they did have. There went happy people.

Someone once said it's not about getting what you want. Happiness. It's about wanting what you get.

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