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A Thanksgiving wish

Posted: November 12, 2011 - 2:47pm

I find myself getting easily distracted. It’s hard for me to even sit down to read a good book lately, especially when it’s so easy to get online for “good” reasons. My first reasonable goal was looking up recipes for Thanksgiving. Let me tell you why I want to punch myself in the face. Being a younger person in the midst of many aunts, grandmas, and church ladies, you are not known for your pies, rolls, or cooking a turkey. Someone else is always better at it than you and ends up making “their famous dish.” It only makes sense since they’ve been doing it for years. So I am left with like ... making a pasta salad and trying to have it stand out by throwing funky nuts and berries in it.

No offense to you people that think green bean casserole is a culinary masterpiece, but being somewhat of a creative snob, it’s humiliating making something so easy. Punch. Face. So all that to say, I have no idea what I’m going to make. My family members are kind and generous telling me to make whatever my heart desires or nothing at all, it’s my decision. Because what I really want my children to know about their mother is she is a freeloader that pigs out on everyone else’s hard work. Awesome.

Most people would consider me lucky being off the hook like that. Honestly, it’s nice to go the unique dessert route, because not everyone likes pie. OK, that has to be a boldfaced lie, because who doesn’t like pie, but I’m sure someone out there doesn’t like pie. Pie, pie, it’s so delicious, it’s pretty tasty, but not nutritious. (There’s a little treat for you.) Anyways. My husband won’t admit it, but he always tries to get me to “not worry about it” which has to be code for, “you embarrass me with your culinary attempts, so don’t.” I’m almost positive that’s what he means.

Here is what I wish. I wish I had all my abilities that have been honed over the years, but was back in college where not a whole lot of kids knew how to cook. So I’d be like, a genius, and everyone would marvel at my mad skills. OK granted, I went to art school and culinary art was a program that most of my buddies were in, but I could still attempt to bust out some good food. I would probably just share it with the fashion design girls, because in that department everyone looked hungry. Plus, it would look extra delicious, because for our school’s Thanksgiving at my school in Seattle, they served tofurkey. It’s like, turkey flavored tofu. It wasn’t terrible, but for being a healthy creation, it still reminded me of the pork fat jelly that resides on top of Spam when you first open it. Soylent green is people! (Google it.)

One thing I’ve noticed about this month is everyone keeps saying what they’re thankful for. I’m assuming it’s because of Thanksgiving, if not, then Tiny Tim is wasting my time and needs to get out of my face with all of that. Even if you are genuinely thankful for the important things in life, would anyone admit it if they weren’t? Of course you are thankful for your perfect marriage to the perfect man. Of course your kids can do no wrong and you were blessed with such rosy cheeked cherubim. And yes. Of course you would handpick your in-laws, given the chance to do it over again. Smiles. Hugs. World peace.

Here’s the thing, there is nothing wrong with this. I too, am full of this disturbing denial. Thanksgiving is a time to laugh with approval at your husband’s crude sense of humor in the middle of your parents’ kitchen. Thanksgiving is a time when the kids knock over the sweet potato casserole onto the floor, and you just smile, ignore the hours of hard work you put into that casserole, and immediately throw your arms out in front of you to give them a big hug. Thanksgiving is a time when ... OK, I can’t make in-law jokes, because there are too many of them and even if I’m kidding, I can’t risk they will read this and accidentally take it seriously. Because we all know when you “joke” with in-laws, someone gets sensitive among the masses and you start to lose babysitters. I can’t risk that. I’ve already said too much! Moving on.

Even if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving (what?!) this is certainly a great time of the year where most of us are on board with being grateful. Enjoy the people closest to you, share your good qualities with others, and don’t forget to count your blessings. Have a great November!

Kasi McClure enjoys being a wife and mother of two in Kenai. She can be reached at columnkasi@gmail.com.

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