Last week we were watching a morning news program, and the People with Great Hair told of yet another study that says men are shopping more for the family groceries and “helping out” around the house. The news readers on the program, primarily feminine, made the usually catty remarks about how “you’ve come a long way, baby,” referring to men, but adding that we still have a long way to go in doing our part at home.
Thanks, ladies, but we kind of have our hands full. Working, you know. You’ve heard of it.
“What they left out when they reported that men are shopping and cooking and cleaning,” I told my wife, “is that nowhere on their study did it say more women are mowing the lawn. Or, for that matter, changing the oil or washing the car or repairing the fence. Sounds a little lopsided, huh?”
My wife was not impressed with either the survey or my reasoning. She is always doing something around the house. Cleaning, straightening, cooking, feeding the dogs, letting the dogs out, letting the dogs in.
It’s difficult to find JoAn relaxing after she gets wound up in the morning. When I go to do a chore, I often find that she already has completed it.
“If you really want to help out more around the house – ” she began.
“Whoa! When did I say that?” I said. “You’re letting the loonies on TV influence reality. I already shop for the groceries, cook sometimes, do the laundry, take care of the cars, occasionally mow the lawn and so on.”
“As I was saying before I was interrupted,” she continued. (She’s always saying that.) “If you really want to help out more you can take these two dogs to work with you today. Isn’t it Take Your Dog to Work Day?”
“The Romans had that holiday, and they declined and fell,” I said. “There is no more need for such a day among sane people than there is a Tell Your Teen to Sleep Later Day.”
As I was leaving for work and opened the door, the dogs began their daily yipping.
“ ‘Take me with you! Take me with you!’ ” my wife said in a high-pitched voice.
I was floored.
“Are you translating for the dogs now?” I asked.
“Well, I gave it a try.”
I should point out that JoAn does need a rest from our needy inside/outside dogs.
If I had forgotten what a perfect wife I have, I was reminded of it last week when a reader called and said that JoAn sounds like a really good person and that he wishes he had a wife like her.
I told JoAn about the call when I got home but suggested that the compliment might be the result of my writing skill, because readers know her only through my words.
“For all the readers know,” I pointed out, “I might be making you up.”
“I’ve always said you were anyway,” JoAn said.
It’s hard to win an argument with such a wonderful wife.
Reach Glynn Moore at email@example.com.