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As June begins, rain starts falling, putts stop falling

Posted: June 2, 2011 - 9:26am

The June swoon has already started. Looking out the window at drizzly skies is a bit depressing, but for the most part the weather has been fantastic this season, and let’s be honest, all those bad shots and missed putts are a lot more enjoyable when the sun is shining.

Speaking of missed putts, I had 34 in a single round last weekend. Thirty-four. It hurts to type that. I must have been 12 the last time I had so many. Following my performance I was questioning whether or not the multitude of putts was some sort of record for futility, but fortunately Mark Matarrese and Mike Hollingsworth were also out on the course that day making me look like Ben Crenshaw rolling the rock on a smooth carpet.

Senior League

Week four has passed for the scintillating seniors of Birch Ridge. Play began at 9 a.m. for the first time this season, and it’s safe to say Columbia can’t produce enough coffee beans to support this crew of wayward golfers. Darell Jelsma and Sid Cox split the pot with a pair of net 34s.

Sid’s result was quite the adventure. At the fifth, Sid slapped his tee shot dead left into the trees only halfway up Cardiac Hill. His next attempt to simply get the ball back in play ended in disaster as his ball rolled all the way down the hill beyond the tee box!

Unfazed, or ill-advised, whichever you prefer, Sid kept hacking. His third reached the summit. Finally the green was within sight. After catching his breath Sid miraculously knocked his fourth shot up over a tree right next to the cup for a tap-in five. You know the saying, every squirrel finds a nut.

Jelsma and Mick Reeve each captured a closest to at the sixth and eighth, respectively. Grant Christopher bounced in the longest putt. If you’d like to be a part of next week’s senior shenanigans, show up on Monday at 9 a.m. Coffee donations will be accepted.

Tuesday Morning Ladies League

Another week of the ladies league has come and gone with Elaine Anderson, Dee Richards and Margaret Stanley forming the winning team. Dee, not wanting to share any winnings with her fellow competitors, captured the prize for closest to at the sixth as well. Following the round the ladies held their monthly potluck and I want to say thank you to whoever brought the delicious carrot cake. I’m now 5 pounds heavier.

Tuesday Couples Night

Nine madly in love couples showed up despite the cold weather Tuesday evening for another night of wackiness. This week’s format was a two-person Trifecta. Don’t be alarmed, I have no idea what that means, either. Apparently, each couple plays three holes of scramble, three holes of alternate shot and three holes of Scotch double. For the couples out there reading this wondering if you could keep up, I encourage you to have another beer. The rules will seem much clearer when your glass is empty.

Birch Ridge power couple Mike and Tanna Chenault used their political acumen to coerce the course into a net 29.5, taking home first-place honors. Darell Jelsma, not content with his senior league winnings the day before, teamed up with his wife, Susan, for a second-place finish.
Mike and Sandy Larson were kind enough to supply the post-round goodies for everyone to enjoy. Thank you, Larsons. Just a reminder to couples who intend to bring food to the festivities, the writer of this column really enjoys gingersnap cookies, especially Linda Cusack’s recipe. That’s a hint.

Birch Ridge Golf Committees Officially Unofficial Golf Rankings

Luke Donald made the celebrity panel of voters I’ve assembled look brilliant last weekend by winning the BMW Championship in Europe. Donald hit an absolutely ridiculous approach on the 18th hole to beat Lee Westwood in a playoff, and in the process claimed the top spot of the World Golf Rankings, a poll of slightly less significance than the Birch Ridge Golf Committees, which is:

1. Luke Donald; 2. Lee Westwood; 3. Phil Mickelson; 4. Rory McIlroy; 5. Graeme McDowell; 6. Bubba Watson; 7. Jason Day; 8. K.J. Choi; 9. Alvaro Quiros; 10. Matteo Manasero.

If you remember the question from last week’s column, you’ll be excited to know that Larry did not break the rules. Larry could legally drop his ball in the fairway.

Q. During the second round of the 2007 U.S. Open at Oakmont Country Club, K.J. Choi’s approach landed on the green and hung on the lip of the hole. Upon reaching the hole, K.J. had how many seconds to determine if the ball was at rest?

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