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Birch Ridge golf report returns — tanner

Posted: May 24, 2012 - 5:16pm

OK, we’re back at it for another summer of documenting all the silly and incredible things that happen at Birch Ridge Golf Course. So what’s changed since our last column in 2011?

Well, I’ve got a lot more color than usual for this time of year thanks to spending my winter in Las Vegas, although my girlfriend would argue that the wonderful golfer’s tan I’m sporting isn’t something to brag about.

My golf game doesn’t feel like it’s been stowed away in a frigid, dark, Alaskan closet all winter so any damage I’ve done to my physical appeal was well worth it! Hmm what else? Its 2012 so the world is going to end any day now, it’s going to happen, the Mayans say so. With that in mind I better get to the important stuff, which really isn’t important at all.

Senior League

Fourteen tenured members of the old persons club came out to play this past Monday. Pat “Rory who?” McElroy thoroughly dominated his fellow competitors with an incredible 27 net! There’s a saying we have for golfers that post 27s, but we won’t bring that up this early in the season. I’m trying to be nice this year.

Tom “White Magic” Boedecker hit his ball closer to the sixth flag than any other golfer, within 7 feet from the cup. Steve “Thor’s” Hammarstrom took closest-to honors at the eighth. Frank Harper made the longest putt on the ninth green although the distance has not been verified. Remember seniors, next week’s league play will be Tuesday at 0900.

Tuesday Morning Ladies League

Continuing a trend from last season, the ladies left the author of this column with zero information. This may seem like a burden, but actually it’s quite fun because I get to make up whatever I want and claim that it actually happened. Leona “Action” Jackson made a hole-in-one. She owes everybody a round. Pretty sure I saw that. I’ll take a Labatt, I’m sure Pat will have one too. 

Tuesday Couples Night

Couples Night got off to a raucous start this season, but what else would you expect with all the wonderful personalities we have out here! The couples played a two-by-four scramble, which isn’t nearly as complicated as it sounds. Gary “The Hawk” Dawkins and Lori Riggs-Bishop took everyone’s marbles with a brilliant performance from tee to green. After the round there was plenty of pizza, beer and wine available for people who like that sort of stuff. 

Golf Joke of the Week aka Space Filler

You’re a GOLF-aholic if ... 

You think that someday you’ll shoot your age, when a more realistic goal would be to shoot your weight. … You know there’s more to life than golf, but you’re not interested in finding out what it is. … You quit the game forever, twice a month. … You can’t break a 100 but still think you could give Tiger a few tips! OK, OK, I admit, post “sex therapy” Tiger could probably use them.

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