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Birch Ridge report: Course in great shape

Posted: August 9, 2012 - 4:36pm

Has there ever been a better time to play golf at Birch Ridge than this moment?  I’m not sure there has. 

Bill “The Thrill” Engberg and his merry band of mowers have the course in mint condition, mint for Alaskan standards anyways. Nobody is going to confuse the place with Augusta, but still, you get the idea. I’ve had a serious case of the death that’s been going around town and haven’t played in quite a while. It’s been over a week and it’s been painful, but I’m playing today. I don’t care if this column is crap, it’s beautiful outside, and I’m playing golf. So we’ll make this quick.

The Kenai Peninsula Open is fast approaching!  The first 50 paid entrants will receive some free “swag”, as the young kids would say, courtesy of Callaway Golf. We’re going to have professionals and amateurs from all over the state competing alongside our local duffers. It’s going to be a great time! There’s Gross and Net divisions for both men and women and this year we’ll even have a Junior flight thanks to some talented young golfers coming through the Birch Ridge Golf Association’s Junior Program. The tournament has joined with the Central Peninsula Health Foundation to raise cold hard cash for local Prostate Cancer Care on the Kenai Peninsula. This tournament is moving in the right direction, but of course we need your help! We need you, the loyal golfer, to play. The entry fee for Birch Ridge, Kenai, and Bird Homestead season pass holders is $100, for non-season pass holders the fee is $125. 

Senior League

A whopping 22 incredibly distinguished golfers rose with the roosters Monday morning for a senior on senior golfing extravaganza. Vic “The Stick” Hussey led the field in skill with a net 29. Vic also took closest to honors at the sixth with a dazzling display of golfing dexterity. Dan “Hitman” Mortenson cashed with a second place finish after firing a net 30. Pat “Mad Hatter” McElroy hit his ball closer than any other golfer at the eighth for closest to glory. Tom “The Bomb” Hodel rolled in a 15 footer at the ninth seizing the long putt bounty. 

Tuesday Morning 

Ladies League

The ladies were looking good as always Tuesday morning for another week of voluptuous golfing action. Shirley Johnsrud, Carol Hussey, Susan Jelsma, and Rita Geller joined forces to dominate the event. Beth Roseberry took low net and Rita along with Chiya Bazan tied for low gross. No scores were made available. I’m not sure the ladies even keep score. Denise “Rock Your Socks Off” Cox took closest to at the eighth. Remember ladies, the last day for league play is August 21. There will be lots of games, prizes, and food for you, the golfer, to enjoy. Please notify Tonya Boedeker or Denise Cox if you intend on participating in this storied event. 

Tuesday Couples Night

Eight madly in love golfers couldn’t be separated during this week’s rendition of steamy couples play. Couples were instructed to play their own game, keeping their own score. There was a secret twist, which was revealed after play. The golfer with the lowest putts total was to be crowned the winner. Pat “The Holy Roller” Cowan thought he had a win for sure with his customary putting brilliance (which annoys the hell out of me every time we play together), needing just 13 putts for 9 holes! But to Pat’s dismay Sharon Keating came in with an incredible 12 putts for a narrow victory! A great time was had by everyone after play. The tap was flowing with joy for all and Myrna Cowan threw together some fantastic ribs as only she can. There’s plenty of golf season left to join in the couples fun every Tuesday night at 6:00 p.m. 

Golf Joke of the Week

A talented young hotshot golfer was just about to tee off when an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could join the young man, “I’m too old to play alone” the old man muttered. The hotshot young golfer couldn’t say no.

To his surprise the old duffer played fairly well. He didn’t hit the ball far, but he plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. When they reached the 9th fairway the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large Spruce tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the pin. 

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man, losing patience, finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.” With that challenge, the talented youngster swung as hard as he could, the ball went up into the air, way up, but unfortunately it struck the very top of the tree and the ball fell harmlessly back to ground no more than a foot from where he’d just hit the shot!

The old man tried to console the visibly frustrated young golfer and said, “Of course, when I was your age that Spruce tree was only three feet tall”.

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