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Dog days of August arrive at Birch Ridge

Posted: August 15, 2012 - 10:49pm

There are all sorts of life-changing events that occur during a person’s life. Some are good, some are bad. Other moments are harder to define. I recently adopted a puppy from the animal shelter and he happens to be a schizophrenic.

I really shouldn’t say that “I” adopted a puppy, my wonderful girlfriend is every bit as guilty as me. In fact I would say she has a 51 percent stake in this investment.

I’ve never dealt with a puppy before. My family had a dog when I was growing up but I was only 2 years old when he was a puppy. This is my first puppy experience.

I’ve learned so much in just a short week of having the little guy and I want to take a moment to list a few things that have really stood out to me.

- Puppies are a great form of birth control. If this puppy drives me crazy what would an actual miniature human do?

- If you like to play golf you really should avoid puppies.

- If you enjoy sleeping at night and you want a pet, consider a fish tank.

Of course it’s not all bad, we’ve brought the little devil to the golf course a few times and he’s been an absolute angel. We’ve taken him to visit some of our friends and he’s a precious as precious can be. Everybody just adores him.

Then he transforms into some sort of psychotic killer that’s too puny to actually kill anything, but believe me the effort is there, when we’re were home alone with him.

Why is this? Why can’t he be cute and cuddly all the time? Why is 2 a.m. his favorite time to play? I have so many questions.

I have asked him a few times in clear English, “What are you thinking?” But he doesn’t seem to understand what I’m saying. It’s all very frustrating. 

I always like to let people into my life a little with this column. Not really because I care to tell you what I’m up to, because I don’t. It’s just an easy way to take up space. I don’t want to type 2,000 words, or however long these things are each week, about golf. That would bore me and I don’t want this to become boring.
So while I should be imploring our golf community to participate in the Kenai Peninsula Open this weekend I won’t be doing that.

I should also be letting you, the loyal reader, know that 50 percent of all sponsorship money raised will be donated to the Central Peninsula Health Foundation for local prostate cancer care here on the Kenai Peninsula. I’m not going to do that either.

There are times when being able to print profanity would be very helpful in getting my feelings across but I can’t. So I can only say I’d rather whine about my new dog than spend a lot of time providing details about a golf tournament.

Unfortunately, I have an obligation to all of the elite athletes that play golf at Birch Ridge each week to recap their triumphs and failures so we have to move on. We have to set thoughts of my insane puppy aside and focus on riveting senior, ladies and couples night action. Drum roll please. 

Senior League

Eighteen extremely great golfers, but even better people, teed it up this past Monday at 9 a.m. So probably four to five hours after they woke up right? Tonya Boedeker was the first woman to join the men in over three years for senior league play. Of course it’s senior league, not senior men’s league, so she was more than welcome, this time anyway. ... Tonya wasn’t interested in making friends, she was intent on crushing the competition, which she did.

Tonya shot a sparkling net 27 to cruise to an easy win. She also won a closest to at the sixth knocking her ball within 4 feet of the cup!

She saved some scraps for others. Captain Cohoe Ray Hamby won closest to at the eighth and Bob Waite made the longest putt at the ninth, but the day belonged to Tonya. What a performance. Will she ever be allowed to play again? After the whooping she put on those boys? It’s a great question. Only time will tell.

Tuesday Morning Ladies League

Twelve lovely ladies came to play Tuesday morning for another round of social golf action. Beth Roseberry, Louis “Rock the Cradle” Schadle, Denise Cox and Susan Jelsma paired together for a fun win. Shirley Johnsrud had the most greenies, the author isn’t sure what that means and I have no interest in trying to figure it out. Shirley also had the closest to at the eighth. Beth Roseberry had the long putt on nine. Tonya Boedeker had a birdie, Shirley also chipped in. Everyone’s a winner! Next week is the end-of-the-year party! Ladies, be sure to attend or else I’ll have my little tyrant puppy attack you. 

Tuesday Couples Night

Five lovebirds arrived Tuesday night for a wonderful golf outing. One particular golfer stood out in the midst of all the romance. Carol “The Cripple” Hussey played with a broken ankle! You read that correctly. Carol Hussey played golf just a week after breaking her ankle. Amazing! That gal is tough. She played well too, so well that some suggested that she play with a walking boot on all the time. I thought it was fantastic stuff.

Couples alternated shots with the men teeing off on the odd holes and the women teeing off on the evens. The twist was to keep track of your total putts. Carol Hussey and Lori Riggs-Bishop tied for first amongst the ladies. Pat “Holy Roller” Cowan had the fewest putts out of the men. 

Golf Joke of the Week

I always like to throw in a good golf joke each week but since I have puppy fever we’ll go with a couple dog jokes for your enjoyment.

A wife says to her husband one morning, “We’ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.” Her husband replies, “Well, lots of dogs can do that.” The wife responded, “But we’ve never subscribed to any!”

- - -

During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking. 

One said to the other: “The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn all this stuff but you’ll never use any of it in the real world.”

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