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Golf season slowly comes to an end, as autumn flourishes

Posted: September 12, 2012 - 11:31pm

The weather outside is frightful, but the beer is sure delightful, if keeps on raining this way, this beer’s going to make my day! I’m a poet, what can I say?
Enough silliness! Let’s speak plainly to each other for a moment. The weather sucks today. It’s really cold and it’s raining like crazy. It so depressing that I’m struggling to find any motivation at all to write this column. I don’t want to do it. What’s there to write about? It’s September. You already know that... Golf season is nearly over. You already know that too... If you want me to write about Bird Homestead winning the B & B, I would just be recapping what’s already been said in previous columns. What’s the fun of that? The challenge of writing this column in light of so little activity has led me to the only practical conclusion. This will be the last Birch Ridge Golf Report for the 2012 season.
Riveting Senior League Action
Twelve cases of the putting yips, that all lived in the days of Pat McElroy, a local Birch Ridge golfer who invented useful tools such as the wheel and the club, arrived just in time to play another week of exhilarating Senior League play. John “The DJ” Davis rock and rolled his way, with an hour of Rush Limbaugh mixed in, to another Senior League title with a net 32. Davis had the best tee shot on hole eight as well, leaving his shot within 8’ of the cup. “Cool hand Darrell” had closest to on hole number six, or furthest away if that counts as well, when his ball came to rest 83’ from the pin. Gary Davis had the long putt on 9 rolling in a one foot putt.
Tuesday Morning Ladies League
Four ladies showed up prancing and dancing to battle the cold. I’m not sure how they did. Denise Cox asked me to notify you, the loyal reader, that the women will be playing at 11:00 am next Tuesday.
Tuesday Couples Night
Three couples that showed a level of devotion rarely seen this day and age braved the darkness and cold to finish a night full of love under the stars. You couldn’t actually see the stars because the weather was so bad, but you get the idea. Pretty sure Mike & Tanna Chenault won. I apologize if that’s incorrect.
Golf Joke of the Week
A 15 handicap golfer plays the same course every week, and has particular trouble with the lake on the 14th hole, losing a ball in it every time he plays the. One round he realizes that this process is too expensive and decides to use an old cut-up ball instead of a good ball to play the hole. He opens his bag and gets the old ball, tees it up and addresses it. Just as he begins his backswing, a mighty voice comes from above:
“USE THE NEW BALL...”
Figuring any advice from such a heavenly source should be worth following. He picks up the old ball and tees up the new one again. He starts his backswing but once again is interrupted by a voice echoing down from the Heavens.
“TAKE A PRACTICE SWING...”
The man steps away from the ball and rehearses his swing. Just as he steps forward to readdress the ball again, the voice speaks again:
“BETTER USE THE OLD BALL...”

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