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Birch Ridge report: Birch and Bird tourney set for Sunday

Posted: September 5, 2013 - 4:27pm  |  Updated: September 5, 2013 - 11:04pm

Mother Nature has been fickle this season. Spring was awful, the golf course opened three weeks later than it had the year before. That’s time you can’t make up. The end of June and July were spectacular. I don’t remember a stretch of weather ever being so kind during my time in Alaska. August was brutal, unless you’re a duck, it seemed like it never stopped raining for weeks at a time. September? Well I wouldn’t say we’re off to a great start but we’re still holding out hope that somewhere up there in the vast expanses of the sky the sun lurks hiding behind the clouds waiting to emerge again. I’m almost sure it.

The tournament schedule always slows down this time of year but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing to look forward to. The Birch and Bird Tournament is this Sunday at both courses. Golfers play nine holes at Birch Ridge before traveling out to Bird Homestead for the second nine.

Although the tournament is a competition between both golf associations, the atmosphere is very friendly and relaxed. Golfers play a number of different formats during the tournament making for a very entertaining experience. If you’re interested in playing please call either golf course. Teams consist of four players, but each course will work to find a team for you if you’re signing up individually.

Riveting Senior League Action

The AARP group stormed the course Tuesday morning for a very special rendition of senior golf. Earl “The Pearl” Matthis and Tom Boedecker tied with scintillating net 32s. Mr. Boedecker also captured greatest-shot-ever honors at the sixth, leaving his ball with a first down’s distance of the pin. Not a single golfer made the dance floor at the eighth. George Collum rolled in the long putt at the ninth with a 45-foot bomb.

Tuesday Morning Ladies League

The dazzling dames played their last week of lady on lady golf action seven days ago. Consequently, anything I write would be entirely false and I never write anything in the Clarion that isn’t 100 percent true.

Tuesday Night Couples

Three pairs of emotionally attached humans bonded like never before under beautiful rain clouds Tuesday evening. Mike and Tanna Chenault’s matrimony proved to be unbeatable as they defeated their opponents with grace and acumen unlike anything that’s been seen at Birch Ridge Golf Course since its inception in 1973. See folks, everything I say is 100 percent true.

Golf Joke of the Week

Three men are in a bar, all very drunk, talking to each other, bragging about their families.

The first guy says, “I have four sons. One more and I’ll have a basketball team.”

The second guy says, “That’s nothing. I have eleven sons. One more and I’ll have a football team!”

The third guy, the drunkest of them all replies, “You guys haven’t found true happiness. I have seventeen wives. One more and I’ll have a golf course.”

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