Birch Ridge report: Cold Weather Classic is the only tournament left

With all this fantastic weather we’ve been experiencing we anticipate staying open well into November! That’s a lie. The days continue to get progressively shorter this time of year.


The pro shop is now open from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. The driving range is open until 6:30 p.m. We have just one golf tournament remaining on the 2013 calendar. The Cold Weather Classic is scheduled for the 28th of September, when it’s likely to be quite frigid. The format for the CWC is a man and woman Scotch twosome. Golfers do not need to be in love with each other or even like each other to play, but each team must have one man and one woman.

The tournament registration fee is $100, or $70 for season pass holders. Play will begin tentatively at 11 a.m. that morning via a shotgun start. The start time could be pushed back for frost. To register, please call the pro shop.

Riveting Senior League Action

Nine extremely experienced golfers, or old guys, depending on your point of view, moseyed on out to the first tee for another week of exhilarating senior on senior golfing action.

Jim “Hitman” Bennett blew away the competition, finishing in a tie for low net with George Collum with a pair of tidy 33s. The Hitman handled greatness well at the eighth with the closest shot out of all those participating in the competition. The senior end-of-season lunch party is next Monday. Show up or starve!

Tuesday Morning Ladies League

Ladies league play has concluded and due to inclement weather not a single dazzling dame came to play Tuesday morning.

Tuesday Night Couples

The weather Tuesday evening wasn’t any more pleasant than Tuesday morning. Couples Night was canceled. Love was not in the air.

Golf Joke of the Week

At dawn, the telephone rings.

“Hello, Senor Lucky? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.”

“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”

“Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your parrot died.”

“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?”

“Si, Senor, that’s the one.”

“Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a fortune on that bird.”

“What did he die from?”

“From eating rotten meat, Senor.”

“Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”

“Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”

“Dead horse? What dead horse?”

“The thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart.”

“Are you insane? What water cart?”

“The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.”

“Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?”

“The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.”

“What the.....! But there’s electricity at the house! What was the candle for?”

“For the funeral, Senor.”


“Your wife’s, Senor. ... She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief. So I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver.”


“Ernesto, you better not have broken that driver!!”


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