Sayings of the Wives; 2-cents of wisdom

Posted: Friday, February 26, 2010

Some wisdom is ancient, some new-aged, but now the wives get to put their two cents in, speaking of money ...

A penny saved -- is not much.

What's good for the goose usually involves a boat, a plane a remote control and/or expensive gear.

You get what you pay for, unless it is on sale, then, by all means, buy two.

She who says happiness cannot be bought -- knows not where to shop.

Don't put off today what you can

A) Postpone indefinitely; or

B) Pay your kids minimum wage to do for you.

Never underestimate the power of bribery.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you ruin your mascara.

The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold -- but man is tested in remembering that diamonds (and in some cases sapphires) are a girls best friend (excluding her best girlfriends that it is ...).

Good girlfriends are like bras, they are close to your heart, they hold you up when you need support and they make you look good.

Pretty is as pretty can afford.

A ounce of prevention is worth $49.99 per oz. -- if we are talking wrinkle cream ...

Lend not your sewing machine nor thy husband as they may not be returned to you in their original condition.

If you can't say something nice:

A) There is a very good chance we are related;

B) Call your best friend tell her all the sorted details, then swear her to secrecy.

No news is -- unlikely.

A stitch in time works fine but, duct tape and a staple gun are the bomb.

Feed a fever and starve for your high school reunion.

He who laughs last is usually the one who cut the cheese.

Don't dish it out -- if you don't know how long it sat in the back of the fridge.

A watched pot is -- boring.

Don't judge a crook by his mother.

It is always darkest before daylight savings time.

Idle hands -- preserve a manicure.

Don't bite the hand that -- changed the cat box.

You can lead a horse to water -- but why?

You can't teach an old dog new math.

If you lie down with dogs, you will stink in the morning.

What comes around will probably urinate in your yard.

A bird in the hand is a messy idea.

The early bird -- should make the coffee.

Strike while the mosquito is close

Time flies when you don't have a swatter.

The pen is mightier than the toddler -- usually.

Don't change horses while they are still running.

A happy face makes the face cheerful and a good moisturizer wardith off wrinkles.

Happy is the bride who elopes.

Live well, laugh much, eat chocolate.

She who spares the rod can let dad bait his own hook.

Love thy neighbor lady and do not provoketh her to unnecessary wrath as you never know when you may need an emergency sitter.

If you can't stand the heat -- get those hormones checked.

She who tends the fig tree will be honored, and she who heads the P.T.A. steering committee shall be enthroned.

Two heads are -- usually grounds for an argument.

She who rocks the cradle still rules the world, even if it isn't considered a career choice these days ...

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; in other words, if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy.

A lying tongue is best cured with soap and a cursing tongue shall disperse bubbles.

Boys will be boys and girls will be girls, and that explains a whole lot ...

Let she who is without sin toss the first frozen pizza.

A hot tempered woman stirs up dissention, but a patient woman thinks up a clever comeback.

If, therefore, my daughters, you believe that you are indeed princesses ... that makes mom Queen. So there.

Better late than -- pregnant.

And finally, a word to the wives: Be gentile with the old, compassionate to the infirm and the feeble, generous with the needy, patient the slow of wit, and forgiving with the wrong, for you will, dear wives, be at be all these things at one time in your lives ...

... and that especially goes double if for instance: (completely hypothetically speaking, of course) someone was having a really tough day and they thought they were going to be late, and yea, though they hurried to the school, and yet drove 20 in the 20 zone, and 5 mph in the 5 mph zone of the school parking lot, and behold, when they found a parking space they remained vigilant to look out for children, cats and old dogs, but didn't quite see your little car as they were backing into a parking space at a rate of about 1 mph and woe, they accidentally bumped into your taillight ...

Jacki Michels is a freelance writer and a fully insured driver.

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