Quandary: To be or not to be? Is this right the question?

Posted: Monday, March 08, 2010

To be or not to be; Is this right the question?

Like most middle-schoolers, I eagerly anticipated my arrival into high school. That first moment when I walked through the door and thought, 'I'm in high school' was going to be life-changing. No longer would I have to be the nerdy kid who carried five textbooks and was scared to death of being late to a class. It was like I had the chance to create a whole new me, one who could be different and talk to more than the same three people that I had gone through my last two years of middle school with.

The reality of coming in as a freshman was different than I what I had dreamed about. With a dad who continues to embarrass me no matter what I do, my great plan of becoming invisible to upperclassmen became literally impossible. Thankfully, most of the seniors and juniors were really cool and not as stuck up as they're made out to be. Overall, my freshman year was good. The only ones who trash canned me were my friends ---- it was an empty can ---- and I learned to go to my locker more often and not carry every textbook I own.

School was good, but somehow when I got to my sophomore year and had to start thinking about my future, I began to long for those small middle school hallways. Nearing the end of sophomore year counselors begin to bring up things to think about, and I find myself lost. Because when I sit down and actually think about what I want to do with my life, I draw a blank.

From the time I was little my dad told me to "study hard and be smart," as well as go to college and get an education. But other than simply going to college I don't know what I want to do once I get there. Instead, I find myself with millions of questions; What specific high school classes do I need to take to get into college?; Should I try for Harvard or should I stay close to home?; and most importantly, what the heck do I want to do with my life?

For some reason I have the idea in my head that I should know exactly what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. Unfortunately, I find myself drawing a blank.

I often get stressed out as others tell me they have their lives planned out perfectly. It seems like every time I turn around someone is deciding that they want to be a butcher, a baker or a candlestick maker, but I somehow feel I got left out when we drew our futures out of the proverbial hat.

My dad tries to be encouraging and tells me that a lot of the other kids will switch majors in college before they settle on what they want to do, and it's OK that I don't know. Still, I have the weird feeling that I might miss my chance to pick something and end up doing something I hate.

I was recently told by one of my teachers that everyone has to have dreams. I then had a momentary meltdown as I tried to think of a dream I have. The only thing I could come up with is that I want to spend my life doing something I loved. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I could find a profession that consisted solely of eating chocolate. Deciding against having a panic attack.

I'm left considering the things I like to do: cooking, photography, working with animals and writing. Maybe I'll make a profession out of one of them or maybe I'll just keep them as hobbies. Either way, I think life will go on whether or not I have a life plan my sophomore year of high school. For now, I'm just going to sit back and consider my options, because I have two more years, right?

This article is the opinion of Katie Clonan. Clonan is a sophomore at Skyview High School.

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