I was just looking over my review from last week. I said that I didn't really want to go see Someone Like You because I was kind of excited about Tomcats. What a fool I was. Tomcats is, with the possible exception of Dude, Where's My Car, the worst movie I've seen in a long time.
What was so bad about it? What wasn't? The acting is terrible. Some of the characters are as flat as a wooden plank, and others are so over the top that I thought they were doing vaudeville. The writing is so poor that plot points are discarded at random, and those that they keep are just ridiculous. The movie's frame, a cartoonist theme, is eventually just abandoned. I guess it was just a little too interesting. Worst of all, it doesn't even live up to the meager promises that it makes. It's not particularly raunchy, nor is it all that wild. It's just dumb.
Jerry O'Connell plays one of the Tomcats, a group of self-proclaimed bachelors who make a bet, and the last one standing (single) wins the pot. It's never really explained how this money grows, but after ten years this money is somehow worth a half-million dollars. Considering that the Tomcats are mainly comprised of brain-dead morons, they've got to have a hell of a financial planner. O'Connell is left one of the last two to remain single when, for really no reason at all, he goes nuts at the craps table in Vegas and winds up owing the casino $50,000. There are more holes in this plot than need to be mentioned, but one is that Las Vegas casinos don't extend that kind of credit to part-time cartoonists. Of course, our hero now has to have that Tomcat cash, and the only way to get it is to marry off his buddy, the remaining single 'cat, played by Jake Busey. This is, of course, ridiculous, but Tomcats forges bravely ahead. O'Connell finds one of Busey's old flames; jilted lover turned supercop, and tries to convince her to marry her ex in a kind of revenge/split the cash/find true love scheme. I'm not sure whether I was more offended by his incredibly lame plan, or the fact that she agreed to it.
O'Connell, this movie's biggest star, is usually not bad. Unfortunately, this is not a usual movie. Even worse than his acting, however, is the fact that his character is not likeable. He's the hero, but he's an oafish idiot. Busey, as friend and fellow Tomcat, is really hard to nail down. I think I could like him in the right role, but he just oozes evil. He has evil eyes, evil hair, and a really evil grin. He must have 200 teeth crammed in there. Saddest of all is the waste of Horatio Sanz. He's usually funny on Saturday Night Live, and was kind of funny here, but the rest of the movie is so bad, that he is just swallowed up. The rest of the Tomcats are filled out with unknowns. After seeing the finished product, I'm sure those actors will wish that they were uncredited as well.
Even though a sexy Vegas redhead Amber Smith) rubs Michael's (Jerry O'Connell) dice for good luck, he still drums up a $51,000 casino debt in the Revolution Studios/Columbia Pictures comedy, Tomcats - 2001
It's really too bad that Sanz didn't get to do more, because this movie could really have used some spicing up. As I mentioned, Tomcats promised to be a wild, raunchy laff riot, but doesn't even come close. They try for the wild angle by throwing in lots of sex-themed scenes, but they're all either dull and pointless, or cheap and pointless. Maybe they should have tried making their sex scenes sexy. The movie isn't raunchy either, for the same reasons. Cheap, pointless, boring situations left me wondering how they could have screwed it up so badly. It's not like they didn't have examples to draw from. Porky's was pretty funny. So was Animal House. The problem is, I think, that they are confusing sexy and raunchy with disgusting.
Tomcats is, no surprise, disgusting. Unfortunately, I can't really blame the writers for that. I blame us, the movie-going public. We've made the last six disgusting movies huge hits. Of course they are going to keep making them. My question is, why do we keep going? Why do we pay money to be repulsed? Have we been programmed? Are the Farrelly brothers putting something in the water? Let's just break these "hilarious" jokes down to their foundations. There is absolutely nothing funny about watching a man bite down on a cancerous testicle. How about sex with someone who is throwing up? Not funny. The fact that I paid money to watch this trash? Really not funny. Grade: F
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