Posted: Tuesday, April 17, 2001

Still a little early before our spring bear hunting gets into full swing. Still a lot of snow out there and not much grass growing here in the Kenai & Soldotna area yet. My guess is that most of our bears are not real active yet. The Hooligan have not started to run yet and of course it is a little early for the salmon run. Good time to go out stomping around looking for those dropped moose antlers.

I have been bombarded with hundreds of questions from curious people all over the world about Alaska. Friends, relatives, and strangers have asked me some of the funniest questions and I try to answer them all as seriously as I can. Well most of the time that is . .Here are some of those questions and the fun we Alaskans can have answering them. It's one of those things we do here as we wait for another season to begin. Please eventually tell these people the real truth which instantly changes it from a lie into the simple act of "joshing them."

* Do you live in an Igloo? No, not anymore. I forgot to spray mine with PROTECT AN IGLOO and mine melted last summer, Darn, I was planning on using it for a walk in cooler this year!

* Any work up there? Nope our oil field, (the largest in North America) fishing industry, and tourism has all but replaced the need for workers through modern technology. Our oilfield is run by computerized robots we call tool pushers. How come you're still working in the oil field then? I was grandfathered in. Our fishing fleet is now all remote control and run from the beach. This eliminates the need for our fishermen to risk their lives going out on rough water. Our robot at the visitor center here will answer all your questions for the small fee of .25 a question.

* Where do you work? Usually out on the platforms of Cook Inlet. How many people work out there? About 800 on my platform! Really' that many people there hah? Yes in fact if we can get two more guys to move out there, they' are going to change the heliport into a runway and start landing jets there!

* Is it cold up there? Yes, last week I was surfing the web and my computer froze four times! times! did you do then? Poured in some more anti-freeze and kept surfing!

* Have the bears eaten you yet? Well' let me check' by golly they chewed off one leg and part of my arm but I'm still limping around!

* Is it dark all winter? Yes it is, especially in the root cellar but you know T had the same problem down there last summer! I am going to have to have that checked out. I wonder if the bulb is burned out?

* Think you will ever move back here? Yes one more year of not having to pay state income tax and I'm out of here!

* What is this dividend deal? No such thing! If you have any money left over at the end of the year, it is called a dividend. The state of Alaska sends you a little letter that says you did a good job managing your money for that year. The Federal Government also sends you one saying they want it!

* Do the salmon all die after they spawn? No of course not, Any fish that are not harvested are netted by the Alaska Department of Fish & Game and resumed to the ocean where they start their life over again! Some of that fresh salmon may actually be 25 years old!! !

* Do you actually have moose right in town? No now who told you that one? T have never seen a moose in town but I do know of guy that has a picture of another man who has actually seen one!

* What do you do when you have a bad earthquake? Run outside and spray earthquake repellent on anything of value! Then if it as real bad you look towards Heaven and say "Hey buddy maybe you better deal with this one."

* Do them bears actually eat a lot of berries? No the Department of Tourism here in Alaska has those bears placed there in those berry patches making them easier for you tourists to see them. They are also used to mark the berry patches so you can all take home a cup of berries you actually picked yourself!

That is all the time 1 have for questions right now, I have to be on a chopper in 45 minutes heading to the King Salmon Platform! I hope bear hunting will be better when I get back in, in the mean time, hope you enjoyed the questions, but remember I'm just joshing you! See you next week!

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