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Posted: Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Nothing seems to remind us more that spring is here and winter is gone then those first green shoots of grass replacing ice and snow in our lawn. Those very first signs of our lawn coming to life also seem to trigger something in us each year. Each year we attack our lawn with renewed energy as “this will finally be the year that someone, anyone will finally notice our lawn!” “Wow it looks like a golf course” will actually be heard on our lawn this year.

We are once again rejuvenated since we put away that disgusting old snow shovel several weeks ago. Yes, there are a few of those usual brown spots on our lawns that winter killed or dog urine killed. These dead spots can be quickly patched by watering them thoroughly, after raking off the dead grass mix in a little grass seed, lime and fertilizer. In no time you will have these spots growing again and your lawn will be on its way to being labeled just like a golf course!

If you think you really don’t need to add any lime or fertilizer to your lawn just make a couple of passes with your spreaders and notice how quickly those areas jump ahead of the rest of your lawn. If you feel like doing something unique you could even form out the letters in the name of that special lady in your life. Her name will appear almost like it was stamped out in your lawn in thick lush green grass. A word of caution however this may lead to more work as you might be liming and fertilizing your whole lawn. On the other hand perhaps you could inspire that special lady to write to her whole family that could eventually end up getting the whole lawn fertilized and limed while your doing other important things like fishing.

You may also need to spend extra time at the golf course this year studying their grass too. Have your buddies snap a few pictures of you down there studying the grass as a safety precaution just in case she suspects something is going on. Make sure to remove that can of beer from your hand first and be sure your golf clubs are not in the background of the picture either.

Long before your grass even thinks about growing you are quietly being attacked by the nemesis of all lawns here in Alaska, the deadly dandelion weed. They seem to be almost growing under the snow and about the time your grass wakes up they are already in bloom. This year on your way to a golf course like lawn you are going to win this battle once and for all! You attack them with shovels, hoes, dandelion pullers, spray (weed and seed) and round up in areas you’re not planning on growing anything.

This is the best battle you have put up in your efforts to finally destroy every dandelion plant in your lawn. You recruit your kids, your neighbor kids, your kids friends and even passer by kids to help you with this special project. Dandelions are attacked both day and night as you have declared war on them. Despite your efforts to destroy these plants you still seem to be losing the battle. Then someone tells you “You should eat them they are good!” So you cook them, fry them, use them in your salads and yes they are edible. But in your opinion they are somewhere’s between carp and pig droppings. You vow to recruit every dandelion eater in the world to come dine on your lawn.

Yes they make great wine someone else tells you! You buy the wine making stuff and begin harvesting them for the wine making process only to discover you have enough dandelion in your lawn alone to make alcoholics out of every man woman and child living on the Kenai Peninsula. Soon you’re in trouble for having a garage full of dandelion wine and no liquor license!

The guy at the lawn mower shop convinces you that all you need to do is buy the new riding lawn mower with the dandelion mulcher attachment and these pesky plants are gone for ever. Great you think, a few leisurely trips around the lawn while having a cold drink in your hand and you finally grind up Mr. Dandelion for good.

After a few days of this you notice the dandelions have changed the way they grow. They no longer grow straight up in the air like the proud pest they are but instead grow out along the lawn like a snake. As soon as you pass over them they raise their head and almost smile at you. You now are mowing right over them and not even touching them! You quickly run to your garage and drill a 1” hole in the deck of your lawn mower and sneak your wife’s new Kirby vacuum cleaner out to the garage. You attach this machine to the hood of your riding mower. Then you stick the hose into the hole you drilled in the deck and fasten the cord to a retractable line and you’re in business.

As you once again ride around your yard and that new Kirby is sucking those snake like dandelions up to where you can mow them right while also collecting any seeds off your lawn floor. Your battle is clearly being won. After a few months you notice a dusty like residue in your lawn. You inquire as to where it is coming from with the original owner of that new Kirby. She said since your taking most of the dirt off the lawn I thought it was only appropriate that I emptied it back out on the lawn each day you mowed! All those seeds back on your lawn again...... “Sir please come down out of that tree. no the dandelion will not get you.” See you next week!



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