Classic was a classic

Bird Homestead Golf Report

Posted: Friday, September 01, 2006

Let me say, before I begin, I apologize for the length of this week’s article. I will be long-winded, but for such a good reason!

Welcome everyone to the Friday report from the Bird Homestead Golf Course. We are located 11.8 miles down Funny River Road and can be reached at 260-GOLF. Feel free to call us, if we answer, you’re in luck! (Smiling.) Rain, rain, rain.

Oh, my gosh, do I have a ton of stuff to cover. First off, let me thank HEA, I HAVE POWER! Thank you guys, I know that you all are aware that I work for the course and kidded me about being able to use my hair dryer. Thank you, Denny and I are going to take a long one in the hot tub — OK, you all know better. But, it was a THOUGHT! We thank you and know that you guys work hard. (Big smile.)

On to business. Geez, I had high hopes for our Fall Classic, but I never guessed that it would end up being such a good time to be had by all. Our welcome to all who joined us. Having you all out for the very best day of golf was to our gratification!

We opened up to the decadent pleasure of Kathy’s hot coffee and sticky buns. A pleasure I can not participate in, and she knows it, so she makes me sugar-free stuff on the side, ‘cause she loves me. I love her back.

We all had such a great time of it for the Fall Classic! I just don’t know where to begin! Should I tell ya about the ladies who fell on their behinds? They will fuss about the wet grass thing, but — (yes, I’m being polite, you know who you are.) The smiles and giggles were worth the soggy rears, eh?

Paul Zimmerman was right there to let me know how Phil lost his Sponge Bob ball on No. 7. Well Phil, Dianne found it. Not that I’m giving her up or anything! (Because, I don’t see her giving it up!) I claim no participation in that entire dilemma! We also won’t chat about me missing longest drive to Tanya Boedeker. I didn’t get it all on No. 9, or ya would have been hurting, but you kicked my butt regardless. Jackie and I bow down and say, under our breath, you win! Great drive lady!

Men’s longest drive went to Kevin Downs. We don’t have some witty thing to say about your game, but investigations continue — please, don’t feel safe.

Who won? Well, let me tell ya. First place was awarded to the Cash & Carry team, including Ryan Kapp, Matt North, George Stein and Rick Kennedy. They cheated! Just kidding. Gentlemen, it was our delight. Ya got us all tipsy prior to play so — hmmmm — (giggles). Our very best to you on your true win at a score of 70.

Second place was taken by the T & M team of John and Jane Tongen, and Dan and Linda Murphy. Not such an easy course, eh? It would seem that the Lord smiled on us this year, right up to this point. We had to give third place to the Birch Ridge Birdies, including Tom and Judy Walsh along with Ken Schefer and Carolyn Turkington. I know that I smooshed, wooed and loved you all up, and — you all are wonderful people. ‘Cept Tom (grin). You know I think the world of you Tom. All my best and a game well-played!

The closest-to-the-pin awards went to Ryan Kapp (who we all love for the warmup he provided) and for the women, it was Marnie Nelson. Congratulations! That was the first round, though. Second round went to Dave Keating and Bonnie Tharp. Great targeting to you both!

We did draw for a mystery team and low and behold, our very own adored: Sissy Bird, Keith Myreck (Isom’s Cafe), Jackie Risch (who everyone just adores) and our big giant bear of beloved, Doug Cather, walked off with that one.

Geez, what a great time of it we all had. Larry and I had a duel to see just who hit the better drive. (He kicked my butt.) I made Denny leave his Muck Boots home, which seemed to improve his game enough that we used his drives on more than a couple holes. Dianne wowed all of us when she took up Larry’s Taylor Made r5 driver. We became so arrogant that we even left an errant shot from the folks behind us — yeah, that would be Jeff Gillman, Judy Altman, and Paul and Marilyn Eskelin — up on a tee with a note saying, “This would not be the hole you are currently playing.” You all know we adore you!

Gentlemen, we look forward to next year.

We have a couple more weeks of play left! I absolutely have to spend some time talking about this week’s men’s night. More men showed up this week than we had all summer. Although you guys didn’t read last week’s article to know: WE ARE STARTING AT 6 NOW!

It was a beautiful sunny evening when they teed off. Then the heavens opened up and it simply dumped on them. I’m talking DUMPED. Gosh, I had 22 men on the course who were just being poured on. Well, that not being enough, three teams came on in with matching scores. You guessed it — chip-off. In the pouring rain. What sports. They laughed, ribbed and punched arms while they headed out to the fairway on No. 9.

They did this while our dearest Russ Thomas begged forgiveness from Dave Medley. Russ, where were you coming from? It was Dave’s last men’s night prior to him going Outside for the winter. Russ took it upon himself to say, “Don’t let the door hit ya in the butt on your way out!” Russ tagged Dave in the back with an errant shot. Dave is fine, thankfully, and our prayers for safe voyage to you and the Mrs. It was a truly wonderful year thanks to your company. Denny and I are hoping you all make it to the pig thingy. Please, keep in touch.

Trivia!! By gosh, if it wasn’t meant to be — Dave Medley, you were correct. It was our 300-pound President Taft who was the first of our golf-loving presidents. It almost cost him his second term. He managed to play twice a week throughout his entire time in the White House. Dave, we know you are Outside, but come spring, you have yourself a sleeve of golf balls!

This week: Which country has more golfers per capita? A) USA; B) Scotland; C) Ireland; D) Canada.

Until next week, keep your head down and your powder dry. (That comes from Denny, while I was sitting here scratching my head). Tee up high everyone and wipe yer balls. My best to you all.

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