Wednesday, Sept. 13
Men's Soccer: USA vs. Czech Republic
The cauldron hasn't even been lit, and the guys in shorts already are just an Olympic opening act to the U.S. women's team.
Also Men's gymnastics: artistic training.
Thursday, Sept. 14
Women's Soccer: USA vs. Norway
O.K., let's begin the countdown to Brandi Chastain's celebratory striptease.
Also Men's soccer: Brazil vs. SUK
Friday, Sept. 15
Athletes marching in kangaroo hops? A continual chorus of G'day? Vegemite sandwiches all around? Let's see how many clichs of Aussie culture can be crammed into one over-produced night.
Saturday, Sept. 16
The fastest swimmer could become the Games' first medal winner. The slow ones could become a shark buffet.
Also Men's soccer: USA vs. Cameroon
Swimming: Men's 4x100M freestyle relay, men's 400M freestyle, women's 4x100M freestyle relay, 400M individual medley finals.
Sunday, Sept. 17
Men's Basketball: USA vs. China
So, has anybody ever really dreamed of a team that includes Shareef Abdur-Rahim and Antonio McDyess?
Also Men's triathlon finals
Baseball: USA vs. Japan
Women's soccer: USA vs. China
Swimming: Men's 100M breaststroke, 400M individual medley, women's 100M butterfly, 400M freestyle finals.
Monday, Sept. 18
Ronald Regan Revival Day
The former President would be thrilled with all chances to beat down communists in Sydney today if he could only remember why he was mad at them in the first place.
Also Women's Basketball: USA vs. Cuba
Softball: USA vs. Cuba
Women's Water Polo: USA vs. Russia
Gymnastics: Men's team finals
Swimming: Men's 100M backstroke, 200M freestyle, women's 100M backstroke, 100M breaststroke finals.
Tuesday, Sept. 19
Gymnastics: Women's team finals
The winning team will be treated to an extravagant victory feast two carrots for dinner instead of one.
Also Men's Basketball: USA vs. Italy
Softball: USA vs. Japan
Baseball: USA vs. Netherlands
Men's Volleyball: USA vs. Russia
Men's Soccer: USA vs. Kuwait
Swimming: Men's 200M butterfly, 4x200M freestyle relay, women's 200M freestyle, 200M individual medley finals
Wednesday, Sept. 20
Baseball: USA vs. Korea
They're not playing this game in Williamsport, are they?
Also Women's Basketball: USA vs. Russia
Softball: USA vs. China
Women's Soccer: USA vs. Nigeria
Women's Basketball: USA vs. Korea
Gymnastics: Men's all-around finals
Swimming: Men's 100M freestyle, 200M breaststroke, women's 200M butterfly, 4x200M freestyle finals.
Thursday, Sept. 21
Softball: USA vs. Australia
Lisa Fernandez has been getting anonymous post cards ever since the AUS-shes were the only team to beat the U.S. in Atlanta. This is her chance for revenge and to collect all those C.O.D. charges.
Also Men's Basketball: USA vs. Lithuania
Gymnastics: Women's all-around finals.
Friday, Sept. 22
Weightlifting: Women's 75kg-plus class
The world's strongest artist, Cheryl Haworth, has designs on America's first weightlifting medal since 1984.
Also Men's Basketball: USA vs. New Zealand
Women's Basketball: USA vs. Australia
Baseball: USA vs. Italy
Swimming: Men's 100M butterfly, 500M butterfly, women's 200M backstroke, 800M freestyle.
Saturday, Sept. 23
Baseball: USA vs. Cuba
Just to be safe, somebody better make sure the Baltimore Orioles are nowhere near Sydney.
Also Men's Basketball: USA vs. New Zealand
Softball: USA vs. Italy
Men's Volleyball: USA vs. Korea
Men's Water Polo: USA vs. Croatia
Swimming: Men's 1,500M freestyle, 4x100M medley relay, women's 4x100 medley relay, 50M freestyle finals
Athletics: Men's 100M, javelin, women's 100M finals
Gold Medal Matches: Badminton, Women's Table Tennis, Women's Water Polo.
Sunday, Sept. 24
If an American runs 26.2 miles 14 time zones away from home, will she actually finish before she starts?
Also Women's Soccer: semifinals
Baseball: USA vs. Australia
Women's Basketball: USA vs. Poland
Men's Water Polo: USA vs. Yugoslavia
Women's Volleyball: USA vs. Brazil
Athletics: Men's hammer throw, high jump, women's triple jump finals.
Monday, Sept. 25
Athletics: Men's 400-meter run
Finally, it's time for Michael Johnson's quest. You know, to actually finish a race he starts.
Also Tennis: Women's singles semifinals
Softball: Semifinals and bronze-medal match
Men's Volleyball: USA vs. Italy
Athletics: Men's 10,000M, 110M hurdles, 400M, discus, triple jump, women's 400M, 5,000M, 800M, pole vault finals.
Gold Medal Matches: Women's Beach Volleyball, Men's Table Tennis.
Tuesday, Sept. 26
Beach Volleyball: Men's gold medal match
These guys have no shoes, but talk about service.
Also Softball: Gold medal match
Tennis: Men's singles semifinals
Men's Soccer: Semifinals
Men's Water Polo: USA vs. Hungary
Gymnastics: Men's and women's gala
Wednesday, Sept. 27
Tennis: Women's singles finals
The final showdown for the year's best field well, the best that could be assembled without the use of appearance fees.
Also Baseball: Gold-medal match
Men's Water Polo: USA vs. Greece
Athletics: Men's 400M hurdles, 800M, women's 100M hurdles, 400M hurdles, discus finals.
Thursday, Sept. 28
Women's Soccer: Gold-medal match
If a U.S. team falls in Melbourne, will you even be able to hear a championship game in Sydney?
Also Tennis: Men's singles gold-medal match
Athletics: Men's 200M, long jump, women's shot put finals.
Friday, Sept. 29
Athletics: Women's long jump finals
With the second of her five events, this is where NBC's "miniseries'' coverage of Marion Jones hits a plot-development lull. Kind of like when Tony Soprano went to Italy this season.
Also Athletics: Men's 1,500M, steeplechase, pole vault, women's hammer throw finals.
Saturday, Sept. 30
Boxing: Gold-medal matches in six weight classes
It will be important that the U.S. team does well. The little American flag market could really use the boost.
Also Gold-medal matches: Women's Basketball, Men's Soccer, Women's Volleyball, Men's Handball, Women's Field Hockey.
Athletics: Men's 4x100M relay, 4x400 relay, 5,000, women's 10,000M, 1,500M, 4x100M, 4x400M, high jump, javelin finals.
Sunday, Oct. 1
At this point, if we never hear that infernal Men at Work song again, it will be too soon.
Also Men's Marathon
Gold-medal matches: Men's Basketball, Men's Volleyball, Men's Water Polo, Women's Handball, six weight classes in Boxing.
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