Stickers tell everything

We don’t eat out very much, partly because of my wife’s delicate stomach and partly because of my delicate wallet. When the choice comes down to lifesaving doctors and a good meal, I am saddened that food comes in second place.

Neither do we pick up takeout food very often. Maybe once a week for two for Chinese food, which, oddly enough, my wife’s constitution can handle.

No, usually JoAn cooks, or we do something simple and easy, such as chicken pot pies or ham sandwiches. Although she denies being able to prepare anything tasty, she is actually a good cook, so I praise her meals effusively.

ADVERTISEMENT
0 seconds of 0 secondsVolume 0%
Press shift question mark to access a list of keyboard shortcuts
00:00
00:00
00:00
 

Last Friday, as I left the house for work, I asked what she wanted to do for supper.

“You know what I like,” she replied. “I don’t like to cook.”

That’s JoAn in a nutshell. Self-effacing yet supremely competent.

“Maybe a salad,” she added.

“You don’t eat salads,” I said. “You subsist on canned soup and crackers when I’m not around.”

That’s what she wanted, though, so that’s what we got. My wife is my life, you see, and if her constitution could handle steak every night, I would make sure she got it, even if I added cattle rustler to my résumé.

I remember once seeing a touching bumper sticker that read: “I heart my wife.” In truth I’ve seen that sticker only once in my decades. The same for a funnily ignorant sticker I saw on a pickup in the 1970s: “More people have died in Ted Kennedy’s car than in nuclear power accidents.” (Obviously, that was before Three Mile Island and Chernobyl.)

As I drove to work Friday, I didn’t see anyone who loved his wife, or hated the Kennedys, but I got behind an SUV whose rear bumper was proud of its child being an honor student at a local elementary school. (In my day, they

were called “grammar” schools, but I’m pretty sure the feds made them switch to “elementary” after kids stopped understanding grammar.)

But wait. It’s July, so is that alleged honor student having to attend summer school? A true honor student wouldn’t have to make up school during the summer break; that would mean he or she failed with dishonor somewhere along the way.

Or had that honor student excelled a grading period earlier and the parents simply hadn’t scraped the sticker off the bumper? That seemed a sin of omission, prideful braggadocio or perhaps even a misdemeanor. I guess nobody ever said bumper stickers have to be accurate.

Nor do they have to be constitutional, it seems. Just a few days earlier – the day after the Dallas massacre, as a matter of fact – I drove behind a truck plastered with insensitive stickers. The one that stands out is: “When they come for your guns, give them the bullets first.”

Love and hate, spelled out on bumpers around us.

Reach Glynn Moore at glynn.moore@augustachronicle.com.

More in Life

Photo courtesy of the Pratt Museum
During her brief time on the southern Kenai Peninsula, Dorothy Miller, wife of Cecil “Greasy” Miller, was a part of the Anchor Point Homemakers Club. Here, Dorothy (far left, standing) joins fellow area homemakers for a 1950 group shot. Sitting on the sled, in the red blouse, is Dorothy’s daughter, Evelyn, known as “Evie.”
The Man Called ‘Greasy’ — Part 1

There are several theories concerning the origin of Cecil Miller’s nickname “Greasy.”

Sweet potatoes, tomatoes, cauliflower, kale, onions and buckwheat are served in this rich, healthy salad. (Photo by Tressa Dale/Peninsula Clarion)
Salad, reinvented

This salad is exciting, complex, and has a much kinder kale to carb ratio.

File
Minister’s Message: Unexpected joy

This seems to be the way of life, undeniable joy holding hands with unavoidable sorrow.

The cover of Gary Titus and Clark Fair’s new book, “A Vanishing Past: Historic Cabins of the Kenai National Wildlife Refuge.” (Photo courtesy of Clark Fair)
History of Kenai refuge cabins tackled in new book

The authors will discuss “A Vanishing Past: Historic Cabins of the Kenai National Wildlife Refuge” at Kenai Community Library this Friday.

Diamond Dance Project rehearses "Academy of Heroes" at Kenai Central High School in Kenai, Alaska, on Wednesday, April 2, 2025. (Jake Dye/Peninsula Clarion)
‘Everybody is a hero in their life’

Diamond Dance Project celebrates ‘Heroes’ at all-studio concert.

File
Minister’s Message: Finding love in the pits

Navigate your way out of the mire of life with the love and grace of Jesus Christ.

Dancers rehearse Forever Dance’s 10th Anniversary Company Showcase, “Down Memory Lane,” at Kenai Central High School in Kenai, Alaska, on Wednesday, March 26, 2025. (Jake Dye/Peninsula Clarion)
Forever Dance comes full circle

The anniversary show will feature returning appearances from alumni and messages from former coaches.

Poopdeck Platt fishes with friends in this undated photograph. (Photo courtesy of Ken Moore)
Poopdeck: Nearly a century of adventure — Part 7

By the late 1970s, Poopdeck was already investing in stocks and bonds.

Virginia Walters (Courtesy photo)
Life in the Pedestrian Lane: Turn the radio on

Radio had something for everyone.

Most Read