Me at Rabbit Lake on Sunday, Sept. 24, 2023 near Anchorage, Alaska. (Photo by Jake Dye).

Me at Rabbit Lake on Sunday, Sept. 24, 2023 near Anchorage, Alaska. (Photo by Jake Dye).

Out of the Office: Risk and Reward

I sometimes find my love for being outdoors dampened by feelings of anxiety. I’ve always been what people may call a nervous individual, and that nervousness flares when I find myself in unpredictable situations. Despite that, I convinced some friends to hike to Rabbit Lake last weekend despite having doubts about whether or not I’d be up to what AllTrails dubbed a “moderate” trail.

I reliably have trouble sleeping the night before a hike, convinced that my body will be too weak for the associated length and/or elevation gain. Or that I’ll suffer a medical emergency in a remote area without cell service. Or that I’ll fail to properly hydrate and eat well the morning of. And on and on.

My palms were sweaty last Sunday as some friends and I neared the Rabbit Lake trailhead outside of Anchorage. My heart started to race as we set off and about 10 minutes into the trail I stopped, taking inventory of my body. The inventory came up short in a few places, notably endurance and brute strength.

ADVERTISEMENT
0 seconds of 0 secondsVolume 0%
Press shift question mark to access a list of keyboard shortcuts
00:00
00:00
00:00
 

“If I feel this way now, there’s no way I’ll be able to finish another 7.5 miles,” I thought.

This thought was accompanied by a wave of panic. My breath became shallow, my stomach did flip-flops and as I stared at my friends farther up the trail, I wondered if I’d made a terrible mistake.

Whenever this happens on a trail, I try to concentrate on the rhythm of putting one foot in front of the other, counting the steps to 20 and then starting over again. The panic I’m experiencing is associated with the activation of the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that acts as a smoke tower and alerts your body to perceived threats. (My brain perceives a lot of threats.)

Someone once told me that panic attacks start with a rush of adrenaline that takes 20 minutes to leave your system. Since then, I’ve tried to picture a 20-minute timer starting whenever I get that rush of panic. I visualize the clock counting down and the panic leaving my body.

That was my strategy on the trail. I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and pictured the clock. Sure enough, the panic subsided and — spoiler alert — we did the whole trail, and it was even more beautiful than I expected.

The hills were red and yellow with autumn shrubbery and we got occasional peeks at the peaks of North and South Yuyanq’ Ch’ex. The weather left something to be desired, which is to say I definitely waited too long to put on my rain jacket, convinced that as soon as I did the hail would stop and I’d be overheated.

As we neared the hike terminus, I stopped and was convinced that I’d never been anywhere more beautiful in my entire life. The silhouette of my friends against the peaks, with rolling mossy rocks and the haze of fog shrouding the mountains that surrounded us on all sides was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

It was a stark reminder of what I’d have missed out on if I’d indulged in feelings of panic. My brain had convinced me at the trailhead that this was beyond my abilities. But here I was. Eating a soggy sandwich on the shores of Rabbit Lake.

The reality is that if I submitted to everything that makes me anxious, I’d never leave the house. A lot of my life is balancing risk and reward and, somedays, the perceived risk associated with hiking is less than the reward of a view like that which waits at the end of the Rabbit Lake Trail.

Reach reporter Ashlyn O’Hara at ashlyn.ohara@peninsulaclarion.com.

More in Sports

Ninilchik's Brandt Mill tries to steal the ball from Seward's Talon Lemme on Friday, February 21, 2025, at Ninilchik School in Ninilchik, Alaska. (Photo by Jeff Helminiak/Peninsula Clarion)
Friday hoops: Ninilchik’s Kade McCorison scores 55 in loss to Seward; Homer boys clinch state berth

The visiting Seward boys basketball team defeated Ninilchik 85-66 on Friday in… Continue reading

Soldotna's Ariana Cannava skis her team to third place in the 4-by-3-kilometer relay at the state Nordic ski meet at Kincaid Park in Anchorage, Alaska, on Saturday, Feb. 24, 2024. (Photo courtesy of Danika Winslow)
Friday: Boonstra finishes 3rd, Cannava 10th, in state Skimeister standings

Soldotna junior Tania Boonstra finished third in the state Skimeister standings Friday… Continue reading

tease
Friday: Wilderness defeat Bears in overtime

The visiting Kenai River Brown Bears lost 4-3 in overtime to the… Continue reading

Dylan Dahlgren, Galen Brantley III and Adarra Hagelund at the NAIA Indoor Track and Field National Championships in Brookings, South Dakota. (Photo provided)
Soldotna grads help Dickinson State track to big day

Soldotna graduates Adarra Hagelund, Dylan Dahlgren and Galen Brantley III all had… Continue reading

Soldotna's Tania Boonstra races towards the finish chute during the Region III Girls 7.5K Classic Race at Tsalteshi Trails near Soldotna, Alaska, on Saturday, Feb. 10, 2024. (Jake Dye/Peninsula Clarion)
Thursday: SoHi’s Boonstra takes second at classic ski race at state

Soldotna junior Tania Boonstra led the Kenai Peninsula at the first day… Continue reading

tease
Thursday hoops: Grace girls topple Homer

The visiting Grace Christian girls basketball team notched a 63-16 Peninsula Conference… Continue reading

tease
Monday basketball: Sewards sweeps Unalaska

The Seward girls and boys basketball teams swept Unalaska on Monday in… Continue reading

Soldotna's Ariana Cannava, Tania Boonstra and Kate Cox approach the finish line in the lead of the 4-kilometer freestyle girls race at the Kenai Peninsula Borough meet Saturday, February 15, 2025, at Tsalteshi Trails just outside of Soldotna, Alaska. (Photo by Jeff Helminiak/Peninsula Clarion)
Soldotna girls, boys sweep festive borough ski meet

The Soldotna girls and boys cross-country skiing teams swept the Kenai Peninsula… Continue reading

Marcarius Evans of Nanwalek celebrates a victory over Cook Inlet Academy on Saturday, February 15, 2025, at Cook Inlet Academy just outside of Soldotna, Alaska. (Photo by Jeff Helminiak/Peninsula Clarion)
Saturday hoops roundup: Nanwalek boys shock Cook Inlet Academy

The Cook Inlet Academy girls and Nanwalek boys notched Peninsula Conference victories… Continue reading

Most Read